Shambles

Today has been the worst day ever, my husband found out that his grandmother in usa is penniless due to her late husband re mortgaging the home and land to spend in the casinos all 350k gone.
What to do where to go oh my god lifes unfair she’s stuck in some nursing home and she’s a uk citizen got to get her home to uk, my heads in a spin the doctor incressed my tablets only its interfering with the way i think, i dont know what to do, i need ideas how do you get an 83yr old to uk need to start saving thats how last thing in the world i needed but alas i cant leave her there alone.

My husband is distraught and worried we dont know how or why her late husband did this but its very unfair to leave the women he loved destitute

Mothers

My mother or the stranger as she has now become,
the person i crave the most yet she is miles away…so much trust gone up in smoke she wasnt there yet she seems like she is the one who is hurting the most.
We used to talk be friends now i’m lucky if i get a smile let alone a visit, heck she’s only been to my house 3 or 4 times, she says she loves me but how do i know its true as she’s drunk when she says it, i cant bare to be near her at the minute as i want to scream and shout but i’ve done that before, it was in Nov last year.

She went to visit her mother the women who calls me a lier, the women who’s husband is a pedophile the women who insisted i was an imaginative evil child still to this day, my dead to me granddad was also there ( Frank he used to sign letters with thoe his name is Derek ) i was asked if i wanted to go i said no i couldn’t didn’t want to some part of me did but i wanted to rip his head off. For my mum it was a last plea i guess to her mother which i took on the chin but had expected my mum to at least talk to me afterwards which took me calling her 2weeks later asking why hadn’t she phone what had happened basically i was distraught screaming at her she had no answers refused to talk i ended up on the phone to my dad i am so hurt i trust no one i hate what is happening and that im destined to take stupid antidepressants been on them 16yrs so i see no way out.
I don’t care at the moment i hate my body i have Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) brought on by the trauma my granddad put through see i hate my breasts i blame him for them being an aa i hate them that much i have hurt them in the past and to be honest writing about all this ain’t easy.. i can feel myself clamming up so im going to go read a book for abit.

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My weird life

Sitting in the woods I look around a see purple and blue every where blue bells invading the forest yet I’m at peace scared but safe if only for now…
Making my way back was like dragging myself up along steep hill I’d done wrong I knew that yet I was right I didn’t want to be here I wanted to go home…

My life was so safe so normal or so I thought till I got older any way. I was and am still destined to become a success of my self but I have struggled along the way. The person I adored and loved abused that trust he smashed it into tiny pieces.. He made me feel bad
He used his intellect and knowledge to groom me into what he wanted. Only he hadn’t seen me since I was 11, and I wasn’t the sweet innocent girl he thought I was, I had a boyfriend and was sexually active but was always told not to mention to granddad that I had a boyfriend by my mum as he would have a go at her. The last time I saw them there was a family argument in which her dad went to hit her and I tried to stop it but got in the way and my dad took over and we all went home to hear nothing till I stubbornly said I was going to see them any how anyway and that they couldn’t stop me. Biggest mistake of my life

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